Generous Spouse Tips

Drift
Filed under: Shared walk — Tags: thoughts — The Generous Husband @ 1:01 am
Have you ever become aware of “spiritual drift” in your life? I’m not taking about some major or easily discernible change in what you believe or do, but rather a very minor change; a change your friends could not see.

I think drift is a natural human thing - in all areas of our life. If we’re not deeply focused on, and actively pursuing, a fixed point, drift is common if not inevitable. Small amounts of drift are nothing, but if drift continues for too long, the end result can be some significant changes.

The best way I know to be aware of drift, especially before it becomes more than drift, is to regularly have deep conversations with your bride. It’s easier to see drift in someone else than in yourself.




Sunday May 3, 2009


Pray for the Lord to give you a greater understanding of your husband. Pray for insight into what he needs in the way of encouragement. Pray for understanding of his temperament, emotions, and overall dreams and desires.

A moment's insight is sometimes worth a life's experience. Oliver Wendell Holmes



Think generous! Lori <><

Love Dare Day 16

Begin praying today for your spouse's heart. Pray for three specific areas where you desire for God to work in your spouse's life and in your marriage.



Feel free to post your thoughts/experiences on this dare

You can not change your spouse! As much as you may want to, you can not play God and reach into their heart and mold them into what you want them to be. But that is what most couples spend most of their time trying to do-change their spouse.

Insanity has been described as doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. But that isn't that what happens when you try to change your mate? It's frustration at the highest level. At some point you have to accept it is not something you can do. But what you can do is become a wise farmer.

A farmer can not make a seed grow into a fruitful crop. He can not argue, manipulate, or demand it to bear fruit. But he can plant the seed in fertile soil, give it water and nutrients, protect it from weeds, and then turn it over to God. Millions of farmers have made a livelihood from this process. They know that not every seed sprouts. But most WILL grow when planted in proper soil and given what they need.

There is no gaurauntee that anything in this Dare will change your spouse. That is not what this is about. It's about daring you to love. If you take the Dare seriously, there is a high liklihood that you will be personally changed from the inside out. And if you carry on the dare, your spouse will likely be affected, and your marriage will begin to bloom in front of your eyes. It may take weeks or even years, but regardless of the soil you are working with, you are to plan for success. You are to get the weeds out of your marriage. You are to nurture the soil of your spouse's heart and then depend on God for the results.

You will not be able to do it yourself. You need something more powerful, and that is effective prayer. Do you feel like giving up on your marriage? Jesus said to pray instead of quitting (Luke 18:1). Are you stressed out and worried? Prayer can bring peace to your storms (Philippians 4:6-7). Prayer can make a difference! (Acts 12:1-17).

There are some key elements that need to be in order for prayer to be effective. But suffice to say that prayer works best when coming from a humble heart. Have you ever wondered why God gives you overwhelming insight into your spouses hidden faults? Do you really think it is for endless nagging? No, it's for effective kneeling. No one knows better how to pray for your mate than you.

Has your scolding and nagging been working? The answer is no because that is not what changes a heart. A husband will find that God can 'fix' his wife a lot better than he can. A wife will accomplish more through strategic prayer than from all of her persuasive efforts. It is a much more pleasant way to live.

If your spouse does not have a relationship with God, than it is clear what you need to start praying for. Beyond this pray for what your mate needs. Pray for his heart, her attitude. Pray for truth to replace lies, and that forgivnesss will replace bitterness. And then pray for your heart's desires-for love and honor to become the norm.

Generous Spouse

One size fits all? NOT!

Filed under: Sexuality — Tags: rant, sex4her, sexISgood — The Generous Husband @ 1:01 am
A spam message I’ve noticed a few times recently says “Arouse the Passion of Any Woman, Anytime, Anywhere.” I have no idea what they are selling, as I have no intention of clicking on the link. What bothers me (besides the fact that I get so much spam) if the idea that there is some magic pill or technique that will “turn on” any woman, no matter what.
I’m sure we all know it doesn’t work that way, but from my e-mail I know a lot of guys are looking for the fast easy to more and better sex. Bad news guys, there is no magic way to make your wife want a lot more sex starting right now. However, there are things you can do that will move things in that direction. The next few Saturdays I will be sharing ideas based on the book Sex on the Brain: 12 Lessons to Enhance Your Love Life by Daniel G. Amen M.D. . I like Dr. Amen for a number of reasons:
He is a true scientists - he follows the fact no matter where they take him.
He states that he thinks that “Sex is best in the context of a committed, loving relationship.” - A statesman he feels is the clear conclusion of science.
He has spent many years studying the brain and how it works.
He is not afraid to make the unPC claim that men and women are fundamentally different at the brain level. (Something that is undeniable scientifically, but is often skirted none-the-less.)
There won’t be a sure fire secret, but there will be some good information that may start to move things in the right direction.

Saturday May 2, 2009 Be open to trying something that your husband wants to try in the bedroom. I'm not suggesting that you do something that you believe is wrong or that is potentially harmful. I'm just suggesting that it is a kind thing to respond to your husband's wishes and desire for creativity in the bedroom. My lover spoke and said to me, "Arise, my darling, my beautiful one, and come with me." Song of Song 2:10 NIV

Love Dare Day 15

Choose a way to show honor and respect to your spouse that is above your normal routine. It may be holding the door for her. It might be putting his clothes away for him. It may be the way you listen and speak in your communication. Show your mate that he is highly esteemed in your eyes.

Feel free to post your thoughts/experiences on this dare
To honor someone means to give them respect and high esteem, to treat them as being special and of great worth. When you speak to them you keep your language clean and understandable. You are courteous and polite. When they speak to you you take them seriously, giving their words weight and significance. When they ask you to do something, you accommodate them, if at all possible, simply out of respect for who they are. The bible tells us to honor our father and mother, as well as those in authority. It is a call to acknowledge the position or values of someone else. Honor is a noble word.
This is especially true in marriage. Honoring your mate means giving him your full attention, not talking to them from behind a newspaper or with one eye on the television. When decisions are being made that affect both of you, or your whole family, you give your mate's voice and opinion equal influence in your mind. You honor what they have to say. They matter-and because of your treatment of them, they should know it.
Holy is another word that is not often equated with marriage, but is the basic for honor-it is the reason we give respect and high regard to our mates. The word is holy. To say your mate is holy to you does not mean that he or she is perfect. Holiness means they are set apart for a higher purpose-no longer common or everyday but special and unique. A person who is holy to you holds a place no one can rival in your heart. He or she is sacred to you, a person to be honored, praised and defended.
When 2 people marry each spouse becomes holy to each other by way of 'holy matrimony.' This means that no other person in the whole world is supposed to enjoy this level of commitment and endearment from you. Your relationship is like no other. You share physical intimacy with only them. You establish a home with this person. You bear your children with this person. Your heart, your possessions, your life itself is wrapped around the uncommon bond you share with this person.
Perhaps you wish some outsider could see the level of disrespect you get from your husband/wife-someone who would make your mate feel embaressed to be exposed for who they really are behind closed doors. But that is not the issue with true love. Love honors even when it is rejected. Love treats its beloved as special and sacred even when an ungrateful attitude is all you get in return.
When your attempts at honor are unreciprocated you are to give honor just the same. That's what love dares to do-to say "Of all the relationships I have, I will value ours the most. Of all the things I am willing to sacrifice, I will sacrifice the most for you." That is how you create an atmosphere for love to be rekindled. That is how you lead your heart to truly love your mate again. And that is the beauty of honor.

Love Dare Day 14 The Truth

Today's Dare is to purposely neglect something I would normally do to spend time with your spouse. I spent the whole day with Rick! I was off of the computer by 7:45 this morning and didn't get back on it (no matter the urge) till past 9 pm.
We went to Yard Sales, Thrift Stores, Drove around the mountain then went to our favorite mall :)

Oh yeah and then we actually went out to dinner without kids YAY

Love Dare Day 14

Purposefully neglect an activity you would normally do so you can spend quality time with your spouse. Do something he or she would love to do or a project they'd really like to work on. Just be together.

Sign this post when you complete this dare and more onto the next day :)

Feel free to post your thoughts/experiences on this dare

One of the most important things you should learn on your Dare is that you should not just follow your heart-you should leave it. You do not let your feelings and emotions do the driving, you put them in the back seat and tell them where they are going. Love that chooses to love is just as powerful as love that feels like loving. In many ways it is actually truer love because it has its eyes wide open.

Left to ourselves we'll always lean towards being disapproving of one another. She'll get on your nerves, he'll aggravate you. But our days are too short to be wasted bickering over petty things. Life is too fleeting for that.

Instead take time to lead your heart to once again delight in your mate. Enjoy your spouse. Desire his conversation, take her hand and seek her companionship. Remember why you fell in love with their personality. Accept this person-quirks and all-and welcome them back into your heart.

Again you choose what you treasure. It's not like you are born with certain pre-sets and preferences you're destined to operate from. If you're irritable, it's because you choose to be so. If you can not function without a clean house, it's because you have decided no other way will do. If you pick at your mate more than you praise them, it's because you've allowed your heart to be selfish. You've led yourself into criticism. Now is the time to lead your heart back out. It's time to learn to delight in your spouse again and watch your heart start enjoying who they are.

Today's dare may be directing you to a real and radical change of heart. For some, the move toward delight may be only a small step away. For others it may require a great leap from ongoing disgust.

But if you have delighted before-which you were when you got married- you can be delighted again. Even if it has been a long time. Even if a whole lot has happened to change your perceptions.


The responsibility is yours to relearn what you have love about this one to whom you've promised yourself forever.

Generous Spouse Tips

May 1, 2009
See her with your fingers
Filed under: Physical Touch — Tags: knowing, nonsexual — The Generous Husband @ 1:01 am
Close your eyes and study your bride’s body with your fingers. Feel the various textures and varying firmness of body parts. Feel her curves, and the creases where parts come together.

Start with her face, then move down her neck, and down one arm to the tips of her fingers. How much you explore the “fun bits” will depend on her general comfort level and how sexual she may or may not be feeling.

If she wants to return the favour, close your eyes, and really feel her fingers and hands on your body. Experience every touch, and try to imagine how it feels to her.





Friday May 1, 2009


Have a gathering in your home. It can be a birthday party, a group for study, or a movie or game night with friends. Just share the adventure with your husband of planning the get together and then welcoming others into your home.

... Practice hospitality. Romans 12:13b NIV



Think generous! Lori <><


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