Love Dare 13

Talk with your spouse about establishing healthy rules of engagement. If your mate is not ready for this, then write out your own personal rules to "fight" by. Resolve to abide by them when the next disagreement occurs.

Sign this post when you complete this dare and move onto the next day :)

Feel free to post your thoughts/experiences on this dare



Like it or not conflict in marriage is simply inevitable. When you tied the knot, you joined not only your hopes and dreams but also your hurts, fears, imperfections, and emotional baggage. From the moment you unpacked from your honeymoon, you began the real process of unpacking one another, unpleasantly discovering how sinful and selfish each of you could be.

Pretty soon your mate started to slip off your lofty pedestal, and you off of theirs. The forced closeness of marriage began stripping away your public facades, exposing your private problems and secret habits. Welcome to fallen humanity. At the same time storms of life started testing and revealing what you are really made of. Work demands, health issues, in-law arguments, and financial needs flared up in varying degrees adding pressure and heat to the relationship. You argued and fought. You hurt, you experienced conflict. But you are not alone.

Every couple goes through it. It's par for the course. But not every conflict survives it. Today's dare is about dealing with conflict in such a way that you come out healthier on the other side. Both of you. Together.

The deepest most heartbreaking damage you will ever do (or have done) in your marriage will most likely occur in the thick of conflict. That is because this is when your pride is strongest. Your anger is hottest. You're the most selfish and judgemental. Your words contain the most venom. You make the worst decisions. A great marriage on Monday can start driving off the cliff on Tuesday in unbridled conflict takes over and neither of you have your foot on the brakes.

But love steps in and changes things. Love reminds you that your marriage is too valuable to allow it to self destruct, and that your love for your spouse is more important than whatever you are fighting about. Love helps you install air bags and to set up guardrails in your relationship. It reminds you that conflict can actually be turned around for good. Married couples who learn to work through conflict tend to be closer, more trusting, more intimate, and enjoy a deeper connection.

But how? The wises way is to learn to fight clean by establishing healthy rules of engagement. There are 2 basic types of boundaries. "We" boundaries and "Me" boundaries.

We boundaries are rules you both agree on beforehand, rules that apply during any fight or altercation. And each of you has the right to gently but directly enforce them if they are violated. These could include: 1)never mention divorce

2)we will not bring up old, unrelated items from the past

3)we will never fight in public or in front of children

4)we will call a 'time out' if conflict escalates to a damaging level

5)we will never go to bed angry

6)failure is not an option. Whatever it takes we will work it out.

"Me" boundaries are rules you personally practice on your own. Here are some of the most effective examples:

1) I will listen first before speaking (James 1:19)

2)I will deal with my own issues up-front. (Matthew 7:3)

3)I will speak gently and keep my voice down. (Proverbs 15:1)

Fighting fair means changing your weapons. Disagreeing with dignity. It should result in building a bridge instead of burning one down. Love is not a fight, but it always worth fighting for.

Love Dare Day 12 The Truth

The Truth is we didn't fight all day till now. I am slightly holding my tongue. So Love Dare Day 12 done. My friend sent me some special scrapbook paper today and I hadn't had a chance to go through it and put it away properly and sure enough everyone seems to be attacking it when I point it out they are knocking it in the floor they don't pick it up then I put it on the bed so I can put it away and Rick sits right on it. *taking deep breaths* Not to mention I get attitude for just telling him to be careful around the paper.

Generous Spouse Tips for the Day

Guys are in blue Girls are in Pink

April 29, 2009
Jar fund
Filed under: Gifts — Tags: date, sacrifice, save$$ — The Generous Husband @ 1:01 am
Get a large jar and start collecting change for some future gift or vacation. Or, just save for a nice date night.

Bonus: Show her how important she is to you by giving up something you regularly buy and putting the money from that item into the jar.

Whisper something. It can be as simple as "I love you" (or perhaps something a bit more daring), but the whisper will make it more intimate and a little more fun.

The whisper of a pretty girl can be heard furtehr than the roar of a lion. Arabian Proverb.

Love Dare Day 12

Demonstrate love by willingly choosing to give in to an area of disagreement between you and your spouse. Tell them you are putting their preference first.

If you were asked to name 3 areas where you and your spouse disagree, you'd likely be able to do it. Unfortunately stubbornness comes as a standard feature on both husband and wife models. Defending your rights and opinions is a foundational part of your nature and make-up. It's detrimental though inside a marriage relationship, and it steals away time and productivity. It can also cause great frustration for both of you. Granted being stubborn is not always bad. Some things are worth standing up for and protecting. Our priorities, our morals, and obedience to God should be guarded with every effort. But too often we debate over piddling things, like the color of wall paint or choice of restaurants.

Other times the stakes are much higher. One of you would like more children, the other would not. One wants to vacation with extended family, the other does not. One prefers home-schooling, the other does not. One of you thinks it is time for marriage counseling or to get more involved with church, while the other doesn't.

Though these issues may not pop up every day they do keep resurfacing and do not really go away. You never seem to get any closer to compromise or resolution.

The only way to go beyond stalemates is by finding a word that is the opposite of stubborn-that word is willing. It is an attitude and spirit of cooperation tat should permeate our conversations. All it takes for your present arguments to stop is for one of you to say "I'm willing to go your way on this one." And though the following through may cost you some pride and discomfort, you have made a loving and lasting investment in your marriage.

"Yes but then I will look foolish. I'll lose a fight or lose control." You have already looked foolish by being bullheaded and refusing to listen. You have already lost the fight by making the issue more important than your marriage and your spouse's sense of worth. You have already lost control by saying things that got personal and hurt your mate.

The wise and loving thing is to approach your disagreements with a willingness to not always insist on your own way. Instead of treating your hubby/wife like an enemy or someone to be guarded against, start by treating them as your closest, most honored friend. Give their words full weight.

No you will not always see eye to eye. You are not supossed to be copies of one another. Two people who always share opinions and perspectives won't have any balance or flavor to enhance the relationship. Rather, your differences are for listening to and learning from.

Are you willing to bend to demonstrate your love? Or are you refusing to because of pride? If it does not matter in the long run-especially in eternity-then give up your rights and choose to honor the one you love.


*God really has a funny sense of humor In my opinion, this dare couldn't have come at a better time.

Love Dare Day 11 The Truth

The truth is past two days I haven't been doing my Love Dare as I should. I am not consumed by the spirit anymore. Thats the truth. I did do some chores that I know my husband has been wanting me to get done I just got overwhelmed and haven't done them. No excuses I am just slacking.

Today I am noticing my own temper alot too. Skylar asking fifteen times if she can go play with Maria when I have already given her an answer. Her asking when Rick is coming home. Its I am BORED I am BORED I tell her she can go to her room and stay there till she finds something to do or go play outside. Its not very nice and I am aggrvated. Then Rick comes into the picture and he is clearly in a bad mood but of course being male he won't voice WHAT is wrong so then I am annoyed that he won't communicate and the fact that he is whining like a child. Why doesn't Skylar have her homework done by 6 pm because the Teacher told me to give her a break after school. So I do and then I was doing chores, then we went out for ice cream, then we ate dinner (I know ass backward but we had to do it that way) and then she got to do her homework. She wanted HIM to help her she never likes me to help her... So what was the problem? Ole Cranky pants...
UGH I am trying to control my temper I guess we all have our bad days and my day has been negative since before I woke up.

I am not in the mood to be daring haha.

Love Dare Day 11

What need does your spouse have that you could meet today? Can you run an errand? Give a back rub or foot massage? Choose a gesture that says "I cherish you" and do it with a smile.

*This one has a long explanation, but it really touched me a lot, I would encourage everyone to read it! It really hit home for me at least!*



Consider these scenarios.

A man's older car begins having trouble, so he takes it to a mechanic. After an assessment is made, he is told it will need a complete overhaul, which would tax his limited budget. Because of the expenses, he determines to get rid of the car and spend his funds on a new vehicle -seems reasonable right?

Another man, an engineer, accidentally crushes his hand in a piece of equipment. He rushes to the hospital and has it x-rayed, finding that numerous bones are broken. Although frustrated and in pain, he willingly uses his savings to have it doctored and placed in a cast, then gingerly nurses it back to health over the next months. This too probably seems reasonable.

The problem within our culture is that marriage is more often treated like the first scenario. When your relationship experiences difficulty, you are urged to dump your spouse for a 'newer model.' But those who have that view, do not understand the significant bond between a husband and wife. The truth is, marriage is more like the second scenario. You are part of one another. You would never cut off your hand it it was injured, but would pay for the best treatment possible. That's because your hand is priceless to you. It is a part of who you are. So is your mate.

Marriage is a beautiful mystery, joining two lives together as one. This not only happens physically, but emotionally and spiritually. You start off sharing the same house, the same bed, the same last name. Your identities have been joined as one. Somewhere along the line you experience disappointment, and the sobering reality that you married an imperfect person sets in. This however does not change the fact that your spouse is still a part of you.

You must treat your spouse with the same nurture and care that you treat yourself. When you show love to your spouse, you are showing love to yourself as well. It's time to realize your spouse is as much a part of you as your hand, eye, or your heart. He too needs to be cherished and loved. If they have issues causing pain or frustration, you should care for these with the same love and tenderness you would a bodily injury. If they are wounded in some way, you should think of yourself as an instrument that helps bring healing to their life.

In light of this think about how you treat your spouses physical body. Do you cherish it as your own? Do you treat it with respect and tenderness? Do you take pleasure in who they are or do you make them feel foolish or embarrassed? Just as you treasure your eyes, hands and feet, you should treasure your spouse as a priceless gift.

Don't let the culture around you determine the worth of your marriage. To compare it with something that can be discarded or replaced is to dishonor God's purpose for it. That would be like amputating a limb. Instead it should be a picture of love between 2 imperfect people who choose to love each other regardless.

When a husband looks into the eyes of his wife he should remember that 'he who loves his wife loves himself.' And a wife should remember that when she loves him, she is also giving love and honor to herself.

When you look at your mate, you're looking at a part of you. So treat her well. Speak highly of him. Nourish and cherish the love of your life.

Love Dare Day 10 ~ The Truth

I didn't do anything amazing for my hubby today. Just a normal Tuesday for us scurring around to all our appointments as usual. Maybe I won't be so tired or busy tomorrow my first D minus I guess on the Dares.

At Therapy our homework for the week is Rick to check on my dares and see what I have been doing/accomplishing hahaha sneaky Melanie!! My homework is how I have changed and improved my temper and attitude... What is she implying there?