Love Dare Day 19 ~ The Truth and Reflection

I was actually thinking before I read today's dare that I might need to blog a reflection. Because I have to still remember why I do this and remember to not just do Day 19 on Day 19... I need to continue doing the practices I learned Day 1 through eternity... Not just for Rick either its for anyone and just generally how I am as a person.

Love Dare Day 1.

The first part of the dare is fairly simple. Although love is communicated in a number of ways, our words often reflect the condition of our heart. For the next day, resolve to demonstrate patience and to say nothing negative to your spouse at all. If the temptation aries choose not to say anything. It is better to hold your tongue than say something you will regret.

This is one I do work on a daily basis. I have about an 80% success rate. My problem its in my personality to speak my mind especially to ones I love.

Love Dare Day 2.

In addition to saying nothing negative to your spouse again today, do at least one unexpected act of kindness.

I would rather this one become more habitual. Not such a good sucess rate.

I did well on the day of the dare but I used to do alot more RAK for Rick than I do now. Especially when I don't feel good and I am frustrated I just feel more now than ever to just shut down.

Love Dare Day 3.

Whatever you put your time, energy, and money into will become more important to you. It's hard to care for something you are not investing in. Along with restraining from negative comments, buy your spouse something that says "I was thinking of you today."

I don't have the ability to do this as I wish. I am all about being thoughtful. I think I do it more indirectly than directly. I wonder if he notices?

Love Dare Day 4

Contact you spouse sometime during the business of the day. Have no agenda other than asking how he or she is doing and if there is anything you could do for them.

I help remind him through out the day of things he needs to remember, just a general I love you, Or something I found he should be interested in. Either by email, text message or phone call.

Love Dare Day 5

Ask you spouse to tell you three things that cause him to be uncomfortable or irritated with you. You must do so without attacking them or justifying your behavior. This is their perspective only.Feel free to post your thoughts/experiences on this dare

The reply this doesn't need much follow up other than to work on it

Love Dare Day 6

Choose today to react to tough circumstances in your marriage in loving ways instead of with irritation. Begin by making a list of of areas where you need to add margin to your schedule. Then list any wrong motivations that you need to release from your life.

I work on this daily as well with not perfect results but better results than previous to Love Dare.

Love Dare Day 7

For today's dare, get 2 sheets of paper. On the first one, spend a few minutes writing out positive your spouse. Then do the same with negative things on the second sheet. Place both sheets in a secret place for another day. There is a different purpose for each. At some point during the remainder of the day, pick a positive attribute from the first list and thank your spouse for having that characteristic.

I destroyed the paper but it still sticks in my mind and its not a happy sight for me.

Love Dare Day 8

Determine to become your spouse's biggest fan and to reject any thoughts of jealousy. To help you set your heart on your spouse and focus on their achievements, take yesterday's list of negative attributes and discreetly burn it. Then share with your spouse how glad you are about a success he recently enjoyed.

Honestly the truth is I am jealous of his loyality to the Army. It hurts me and at the same time I look forward to recieving that loyality myself.

Love Dare Day 9

Think of a specific way you'd like to greet your spouse today. Do it with a smile and enthusiasm. Then determine to change your greeting to reflect your love for them.

This is very important to me anyways. Loosing my first husband suddenly the last words we exchanged were very hateful. I am determined to not part with anyone else on those kind of terms. Those aren't terms I want to pay for when I get to the Gates. In order to arrive with a smile and part with a smile that means when you enter a room don't enter a room and spread negativity. When you leave a room make sure you leave the best part of you. This should be an everyday in every way occurance.

Love Dare Day 10

Do something out of the ordinary today for your spouse-Something that proves (to you and to them) that your love is based on your choice and nothing else. Wash his car, clean the kitchen, buy his favorite dessert, fold the laundry, demonstrate love to him for the sheer joy of being their partner in marriage

Every day in my marriage I think of how my husband would react to my actions and what effect my actions will have on my marriage. Whats good for the Goose IS good for the gander?

Love Dare Day 11

What need does your spouse have that you could meet today? Can you run an errand? Give a back rub or foot massage? Choose a gesture that says "I cherish you" and do it with a smile.

I am not your 1930's submissive housewife cleaning husband's feet but I do love to dote on my husband and every day we can at lunch time I do rub his head and lay down with him while he takes a quick nap. I know he needs physical affection its his LOVE LANGUAGE and its definately what he needs to survive.

Love Dare Day 12

Demonstrate love by willingly choosing to give in to an area of disagreement between you and your spouse. Tell them you are putting their preference first.

This one is a hard challenge for me like I said I speak my mind. Its hard for me to not correct him but at the same time I have backed off alot on the parental portion and let him handle some good and bad. I just step back.

Love Dare Day 13

Talk with your spouse about establishing healthy rules of engagement. If your mate is not ready for this, then write out your own personal rules to "fight" by. Resolve to abide by them when the next disagreement occurs.

We got a date night and we did discuss this at dinner. I didn't get a chance to blog about our wonderful night.

Love Dare Day 14

Purposefully neglect an activity you would normally do so you can spend quality time with your spouse. Do something he or she would love to do or a project they'd really like to work on. Just be together.

Rick and I are rarely apart if he isn't at work. There isn't much need for us to part doesn't the Army take enough time away from us? Didn't a year seperation for the deployment do enough? Why don't my friends agree? Instead they think we are together and too diabetically sweet to each other. What gives?

Love Dare Day 15

Choose a way to show honor and respect to your spouse that is above your normal routine.

To do this on a daily basis just should be second nature to any relationship.

Love Dare Day 16

Begin praying today for your spouse's heart. Pray for three specific areas where you desire for God to work in your spouse's life and in your marriage.

Love Dare Day 17

Determine to guard your mate's secrets (unless they are dangerous to them or to you) and to pray for them. Talk with your spouse, and resolve to demonstrate love in spite of these issues. Really listen to them when they share personal thoughts and struggles with you. Make them feel safe.

I don't think of betraying him.

Love Dare Day 18

Prepare a special dinner at home, just for the two of you. The dinner can be as nice as you prefer. Focus this time on getting to know your spouse better, perhaps in areas you've rarely talked about. Determine to make it an enjoyable evening for you and your mate

Love Dare Day 19

Look back over the dares from the previous days. Were there some that seemed impossible to you. Have you realized your need for God to change your heart and to give you the ability to love? Ask him to show you where you stand with him, and ask for the strength and grace to settle your eternal destination.

Feel free to post your thoughts/experiences on this dare
The Love Dare starts with a secret. You have likely grown more suspicious of it all the time. Now that you are this far, it is a secret you are discovering. The secret is: you can not manufacture unconditional love out of your own heart. It is something only God can do. Because of his great love for you -and his love for your spouse- He chooses to express his love through you.
Still you may not believe that. You may be convinced that with enough hard work, and commitment you can muster up long term, sacrificial love from your heart. You want to believe it's in you. But how many times has your love failed to keep you from lying, lusting, from overreacting, from thinking evil of the person you've vowed before God to love for the rest of your life? How many times has your love proven incapable of controlling your anger? How many times has your love motivated you to forgive or brought about a peaceable end to an ongoing argument?
Its this failure that exposes mankind's sinful condition. We've all fallen short of God's commands (Romans 3:22). We've all demonstrated selfishness, hatred, and pride. And unless something is done to cleanse us of these ungodly attributes, we will stand before God guilty as charged (Romans 6:23). That's why if you are not right with God, you can't truly love your spouse because HE is the source of that love.
When you surrender yourself to Christ, his power can work through you. Even at your very best, you are not able to live up to God's standards. But HE "is able to do far more abundantly beyond all that we ask or think, according to the power that works within us." (Ephesians 3:20). That is how you love your spouse.
You may be feeling for the first time that you, too, have broken God's commands, and that your guilt will keep you from knowing Him. But scripture says that if you repent by turning away from your sin and turning to God, He is willing to forgive you because of the sacrifice His son made on the cross. He is pursuing you, not to enslave you, but to free you so you can receive His love and forgiveness. Then you can share it with the one you've been called most specifically to love.
The truth is you can't live without him, and you can't love without him. But there is no telling what He could do in your marriage if you put your trust in him.
*Other scriptures this dare mentions that may help you understand it better: I John 4:7, John 15: 5 &7, Romans 3:23, Romans 6:23, Ephesians 3:19, Ephesians 3:20, Romans 5:5) *

Generous Spouse Tips

Thursday May 7, 2009 Look around for some little personal act of kindness to do for your husband, like clean his glasses, wipe the prints off his computer screen, or refill his pencil/pen cup. Remember there's no such thing as a small act of kindness. Every act creates a ripple with no logical end. Scott Adams
Think generous! Lori <><

The Mommy Brain
Filed under: Good Marraige — Tags: gender-diffs, hormones, knowing — The Generous Husband @ 1:01 am
It being almost mother’s day, I thought a few tips about mothers as wives would be good. My comments here are based on information found in The Female Brain by Louann Brizendine, M.D.. Dr. Brizendine is a neuropsychiatric who, as a student, saw a need to look at male and female brains differently, since they are fundamentally different. She has made the study of the female brain a major part of her professional life, and founded “The Women’s and Teen Girl’s Mood and Hormone Clinic” so what she has learned could be put to good use.
At a later date I will discuss some of the significant differences in male and female brains at birth, as well as changes that occur at puberty that move the two even further apart. Today’s topic is what Brizendine calls “The Mommy Brain”. Women are pre-wired to be more nurturing than men, but pregnancy causes changes far beyond this. Even before a woman knows she’s pregnant, hormones caused by pregnancy are changing how she thinks and feels. Priorities change, she become far more concerned about caring for her body, and she feels a growing need for safe and secure surroundings. Hormones make her slow down, eat more, and sleep more.
Even the brain is effected - and changed. Some parts of the brain get larger, others get smaller, as the brain is restructured. Science is a long way from understanding all of this, but the reality is pregnancy literally changes a woman’s brain.
Birth, nursing and general contact with the baby produce huge amounts of oxytocin, and this further changes a woman, making the needs of her child take precedent over her own needs - and the needs of others around her, including her husband. Mothers reassess almost everything, including their life goals and the baby’s father. A man’s brain is also impacted by birth of a baby (the “daddy brain”) but this change is not nearly as sweeping or significant.
The bottom line is this, if you married a woman who had never had children, when she became a mother she became a different person. Not completely different, but also not the same. This means you will need to reforge your relationship, making changes, accommodations, and sacrifices all around. What a husband needs to understand is that this change is not something his wife has done - rather it is a change that God ordained by the way He built us. A woman who becomes a mother can no more not change than a boy becoming man could choose to keep thinking like a boy.

Love Dare Day 18

Prepare a special dinner at home, just for the two of you. The dinner can be as nice as you prefer. Focus this time on getting to know your spouse better, perhaps in areas you've rarely talked about. Determine to make it an enjoyable evening for you and your mate.



Feel free to post your thoughts/experiences on this dare

How much do you know about your mate? Think back to the early days of dating. Didn't you study the one your heart was yearning for? When a man is trying to win the heart of a woman he studies her. He learns her likes, dislikes, habits and hobbies. This is also true to women who start out admiring and building respect for the man they desire to be with. But after marriage these feelings begin to fade. The mystery and challenges of knowing seem less intriguing, and they find their interests drifting.

Yet there are still hidden things to discover about your spouse. And this understanding will draw you closer together. It can even give you favor in the eyes of your mate. (Proverbs 13:15)

If the amount you studies your spouse before marriage were equal to a high school diploma, then you should continue to learn about your mate until you gain a college degree, a master's degree, and ultimately a PHD. Think of it as a lifelong journey that draws your heart even closer to your mate.

-Do you know their greatest hopes and dreams?

-Do you fully understand how they prefer to give and receive love?

-Do you know what your spouse's greatest fears are and why they struggle with them?

Some of the problems you may have with your spouse are simply because you don't understand them. The differences you have can be the cause of many fights and conflicts in your marriage. That is because the bible says we tend to 'revile' those we things we don't understand. (Jude 10).

There are reasons for his/her tastes and preferences. Each nuance in your spouse's character has a back story. Each element of who he is, how she thinks, and what they are like is couched in a set of guiding principles, which often makes sense only to the person who holds them. But its worth the time it will take to study who they are and why they are the way they are.

If you miss the level of intimacy you once shared with your spouse, one of the best ways to unlock their heart is by making a commitment to know them. Study them. Read them like a book you are trying to understand.

There is a depth of beauty and meaning inside your wife or husband that will amaze you as you discover it. Enter the mystery with expectation and enthusiasm. Desire to know this person even better than you do now. Make him or her your chosen field of study and you will fill your home with the kind of riches only love can provide.


The kids are both home tonight and Rick has class maybe tomorrow night.

Love Dare Day 17 The Truth

I know alot of things about Rick that I don't tell anyone. Alot of things he guards his children from knowing. Alot of things I know his deepest emotions and thoughts. I would hope so anyways. We were discussing my love dare journey in Therapy and the Therapist showed him Day 17 and he saw the word intimacy typical male assumed it meant sex lol. I was thinking i know I didn't read anything about sex and just told him intimacy doesn't ALWAYS mean sex...

Love Dare Day 17

Determine to guard your mate's secrets (unless they are dangerous to them or to you) and to pray for them. Talk with your spouse, and resolve to demonstrate love in spite of these issues. Really listen to them when they share personal thoughts and struggles with you. Make them feel safe.



Feel free to post your thoughts/experiences on this dare

You can be close friends will someone from childhood to college. You can be close to a sibling that is about the same age as you. But nothing rivals the closeness of a husband and wife. Marriage is the most intimate of all human relationships.

That is why we need it so much. Each of us comes into life with an inborn hunger to be known, loved, and accepted. We want people to recognize and value us. The prospect of sharing our home with another person who knows us down to the most intimate detail is part of the deep pleasure or marriage. Yet this comes with a danger. Someone who knows us this intimately can either love us at depths we never imagined, or can wound us in ways we may never fully recover. It is both the fire and fear of marriage.

If home is not considered a safe place, you will both be tempted to seek it somewhere else. Perhaps you might look to another person. You may look for comfort in work or in outside hobbies, something that partially shields you from intimacy but also keeps people around you who respect and accept you.

You mate should not feel pressured to be perfect in order to receive your approval. They should not walk on eggshells in the very place they ought to feel most comfortable. The atmosphere in your marriage should be one of freedom. Your closeness should only intensify your intimacy. Being 'naked' and not 'ashamed' should exist in the same sentence, right in your marriage, both physically and emotionally.

Some of your spouses secrets may need correcting. Therefore you can be an agent of healing and repaid-not by lecturing, not by criticizing, but by listening in love and offering support.

Some of these secrets just need to be accepted. They are a part of this person's make up and history. Although these issues may not be pleasant to deal with, they will always require a gentle touch.

In either case, you and you alone wield the power to reject you spouse because of this, or to welcome them in, warts and all. They will either know they are in a place of safety where they are free to make mistakes, or they will recoil into themselves and be lost to you, perhaps forever. Loving them well should be your life's work.

This may be an area you have failed in in the past. If so do not expect your mate to immediatly give you wide-open access to their heart. You must begin to rebuild trust.

The reality of intimacy always takes time to develop, especially after being compromised. But your commitment to re-establish it can happen today-for anyone willing to take the dare.

Mustang Marriage

How to keep your

marriage in mint condition

Understanding the owners manual

How to survive a wreck

Raising kids without

ruining the upholstery



We didn't get to go to Church service today. But I plan on catching up by Pod Cast which the church offers on their website. YAY. I even was listening to last weeks this morning laughing just as hard as I was. Please enjoy my notes and listen to the Pod Casts of Pastor Mark..

http://www.willowbrook.org/

http://sermonplayer.com/c/willowbrook/