Love Dare Day 26

Take time to pray through your areas of wrongdoing. Ask for God's forgiveness, then humble yourself enough to admit them to your spouse. Do it sincerely and truthfully. Ask your spouse for forgiveness as well. No matter how they respond, make sure you cover your responsibility in love. Even if they respond with criticism, accept it, by receiving it as counsel.



Feel free to post your thoughts/experiences on this dare

Today will be hard, but as you seek God's strength and wisdom, you will be able to get through it. This day could be a milestone in your marriage if you allow it to be. So resolve to focus on what the Lord may be saying to you and purpose to follow his leading.

Today is about personal responsibility. It's something we all agree that others should have, but struggle to maintain it ourselves. Over the past few decades there has been a decline in personal responsibility. More and more people seem less likely to acknowledge their own mistakes. We see it in politics, businesses, and in celebrity headlines.

We tend to believe our views are correct, or at least more correct than our mates. And we do not believe that anyone, given our same set of circumstances, would act must differently than we have. As far as we are concerned, we're doing the best we can. And our spouse ought to be glad we are as good to them as we are.

But love does not pass blame or justify selfish motives. Love is not nearly concerned with it's own performance as with other's needs. When love takes responsibility for its actions, its not to prove how noble you've been, but rather to admit how much further you have to go.

Love does not make excuses, it keeps working to make a difference - in you and your marriage.

That is why the next time you are in an argument with your spouse, stop and see if there is something worth listening to in what your mate is saying. What might happen in your relationship if instead of passing the blame you first admitted your own wrongs?

Love is responsible and willing to admit and correct its faults and errors up front. Are you taking responsibility for this person you chose for yourself as the love of your life? How deliberate are you about making sure your spouse's needs are met? Or are you only concerned with your spouse fulfilling yours? Love calls us to take responsibility for our partner in marriage. To love, honor and cherish them.

A real heart of repentance may take a while to grow in you. Pride is very resistant to responsibility, but humility and honesty before God and your spouse are crucial for a healthy relationship.

This does not mean that you are always wrong and your spouse is right. But that if there is something that's not right between you and God, or you and your spouse, then that should be first priority.

Confess your areas of sin first. Then you'll be on better grounds to work things out with your spouse. (1 John 1:18-19)

Can your spouse say that you have wronged or wounded them in any way and never made it right? Part of taking responsibility is admitting you have failed and ask for forgiveness.

The problem is, to do it sincerely you must swallow your pride and seek forgiveness regardless of how your spouse responds. They should forgive you, but your responsibility does not lie with their decision. Admitting your mistakes is YOUR responsibility. If they have wronged you, leave it for them to deal with another time.

Updates on Blogger

On My Family Blogger.... I have A Gene Simmons Military Tribute that you MUST watch, I have some pictures of some 4 and 4T girls clothes I am selling for CHEAP low prices!, Our floor plan ideas for our new house, My Memorial Day message, Why Walmart sucks! so stay in touch and catch up on all the blogs i may not have had a chance to post on Myspace ... http://armyknightslady.blogspot.com/

On my Creative Blogger. See what I made for my Fallen Hero's... http://stormyariescreations.blogspot.com/?zx=c433f8bd47fff5c4

Are you keeping up with my Love Dare Blog? I am on Day 25. I have slacked off and gotten lazy but I am almost there! Sunday was the last day of Mustang Marriage and I have yet to post about THAT! It was awesome as usual. http://bellaslovedare.blogspot.com/

Of course we stay busy preparing for William's arrival. I am now 29 weeks pregnant and I have just less than 10 weeks to go WOOHOO! I will be posting his 3D Ultrasound pictures once I get them today so don't miss checking back on my blog, reading about my baby shower and things are going to get busier the closer we get!
http://anotherrecruitontheway.blogspot.com/
I've still be narley sick but I am hanging in there.
Here is how I keep people updated on what I am doing for William
http://peridotchecklist.blogspot.com/

Of course when I post a blog to Xanga it posts on my face book as well!
Don't forget myspace www.myspace.com/armyknightslady!

Love Dare Day 25

Whatever you have not forgiven in your mate, forgive it today. Let it go. Just as we ask Jesus to 'forgive us of our debts' each day we must ask him to help us 'forgive our debtors' as well. Unforgiveness have been keeping you and your spouse in prison too long. Say from your heart "I choose to forgive."



Feel free to post your thoughts/experiences on this dare

This one is tough. Perhaps the toughest dare. But if there is to be any hope for your marriage, this is a challenge that must be taken seriously. Counselors and ministers who deal with broken couples on a daily basis will tell you that this is the most complex problem of all, a rupture that is often the last to be repaired. It can not be considered and contemplated but must be deliberately put in practice. Forgiveness has to happen, or a successful marriage will not.

Imagine yourself in a prison like setting. As you look around you see a number of cells visible from where you are standing. You see people from your past incarcerated there- people who wounded you as a child. You see people you once called friends but who wronged you at some point. You might see your parents, perhaps a brother or sister or other family members. Even you spouse is locked nearby, trapped with the others in this jail of your making.

The prison is a room in your heart. This dark, drafty, depressed chamber exists inside you every day. But not far away Jesus is standing there, extending to you a key that will release every inmate.

But you do not want a part in it. These people knew what they were doing, yet they did it anyways, even your spouse the one you should have been able to count on most of all. So you resist and turn away. You are unwilling to stay there any longer, seeing Jesus, seeing the key in his hand, knowing what he is asking you to do. It is too much.

But in trying to escape you realize there is no way out. You are trapped inside with all the others. You unforgiveness, anger, bitterness have made you a prisoner as well. Like the servant of Jesus' in the bible who was forgiven an impossible debt-but who did not forgive another who had debt with him, you have chosen not to forgive and have been handed to the jailers and torturers. Your freedom is dependent on your forgiveness.

Forgiveness does not absolve anyone of blame. It doesn't clear their record with God. It just clears you of having to worry about how to punish them. When you forgive another person, you are not turning them loose, you are just turning them over to God who can be counted on to deal with them His way. You are saving yourself the trouble of scripting any more arguments or trying to prevail in this situation. It is not about winning or losing anymore, it is about freedom and letting go.

Great marriages are not created by people who have never hurt each other, only by those who choose to 'keep no record of wrongs'. (1 Corinthians 13:5)

Love Dare day 24

End it now. Identify every object of lust in your life and remove it. Single out every lie you have swallowed in pursuing forbidden pleasure and reject it. Lust can not be allowed to live in a back bedroom. It must be killed and destroyed -today- and replaced with the sure promises of God and a heart filled with his perfect love.

Feel free to post your thoughts/experiences on this dare

Adam and Eve were supplied with everything they needed in the garden of Eden. But after Eve was deceived by the serpent she saw the forbidden fruit and set her heart on it. Before long Adam joined in her wishes, and against God's command both of them ate.
That's the progression. From eyes to heart to action. And then follows shame and regret. We too have been supplied with everything we need for a full, productive life. "We have brought nothing into the world, so we can take nothing out of it either."(I Timothy 6:7). But the Bible goes onto say that having the basics of food and clothing, we should be 'content.' And Jesus promises these 2 things will always be provided to God's children. (Matthew 6:25-26).
God's blessings however go so far beyond these fundamental needs we could rightly say we want for nothing. Yet like Adam and Eve, we still want more. So we set our eyes and hearts on seeking worldly pleasure. We try to meet legitimate needs in illegitimate ways. For many it's seeking sexual fulfillment in another person or in the pornographic images designed to FEEL like a real person. We look, stare, and fantasize. We try to be discreet but barely turn our eyes away. And once our eyes are captured by curiosity, our hearts become entangled. Then we act on our lust.
We can lust after possessions or power or prideful ambition. We see what others have and we want it. Our hearts are deceived into saying 'I could be happy only if I had this.' And then we make the decision to go after it.
Lust is in opposition to love. It means to set your heart and passions on something forbidden. And for a believer it's the first step out of fellowship with the Lord and with others. That's because every object of your lust-rather it's a young co-worker, or actress, or coveting after a half-million dollar house or car-represents the beginning of a lie. This person or thing that seems to promise sheer satisfaction is more like a bottomless pit of longings.
Lust always breeds more lust. Lust will make you dissatisfied with your husband or wife. It breeds anger, numbs hearts, and destroys marriages. Rather than fullness it leads to emptiness. It is time to expose lust for what it really is. A misguided thirst for satisfaction that only God can fulfill. Lust is like a warning light, alerting you to the fact that you are not allowing God's love to fill you. When your eyes and heart are on him, your actions will lead you to lasting joy, not the endless cycle of regret and condemnation.
Are you tired of being lied to by lust? Are you fed up with believing that forbidden pleasures are able to keep you happy and content? Then begin setting your eyes on the Word of God. Let his promises of peace and freedom work their way into your heart. And while you are at it, set your eyes and heart on your spouse again. Lust is the best this world has to offer, but love offers you the best life in the world.

Love Dare Day 23

Remove anything that is hindering your relationship, any addiction or influence that's stealing away your affections and turning your heart away from your spouse.



Feel free to post your thoughts/experiences on this dare



Marriage is made up of many things, including joys, sorrows, successes and failures. But when you think about what you want marriage to be like, the furthest thing from your mind is a battleground. However, there are some battles you should be more willing to fight. These are battles that pertain to protecting your spouse.

Unfortunately marriage has enemies out there. They come in different forms and use different strategies, but nonetheless they will conspire to destroy your relationship unless you know how to ward them off.

Some are clever and seem attractive, only to undermine your love and appreciation for one another. Others try to lure your heart away from your spouse by feeding you unhealthy fantasies, and unrealistic comparisons. It's a battle you must wage to protect your marriage- when love puts on armor and picks up a sword to defend its own. Your mate and your marriage need your constant protection from things like:

Harmful influences. Are you allowing certain habits to poison your home? The Internet and television can be productive additions to your home, but they can also bring destructive content and drain away precious hours from your family. The same goes with work schedules that keep you separated from each other for unhealthy amounts of time. You can't protect your home when you're rarely there, nor when you are relationally disconnected. You have to fight to keep the balance right.

Unhealthy relationships. Not everyone has the material to be a good friend. Not every man you hunt and fish with speaks wisely when it comes to marriage. Not every woman in your lunch group has a good perspective on commitment and priorities. In fact, anyone who undermines your marriage does not deserve to be given the title of 'friend'. And you certainly must be on guard at all times from allowing opposite-sex relationships at work, the gym, or even the church to draw you emotionally away from the one to whom you have already given your heart.

Shame. Everyone deals with some level of inferiority and weaknesses. And because marriage has a way of exposing it to you and your mate, you need to protect your wife/husbands vulnerability by never speaking negatively about them in public. Their secrets are your secrets (unless of course these involve destructive behaviors that are putting anyone in danger). Generally speaking, love hides the fault of others, it covers their shame.

Parasites. Watch out for parasites. A parasite is anything that latches onto you or your partner and sucks the life out of your marriage. They're usually in the form of addictions, like gambling, drugs, or pornography. They promise pleasure but grow like a disease and consume more and more of your thoughts, time, and money. They steal away your loyalty and heart from those you love. Marriages rarely survive if parasites are present. If you love your spouse, you must destroy any addiction that has your heart. If you do not, it will destroy you.

Wives-you have the role as protector in your marriage. You must guard your heart from being led away through novels, magazines, and other forms of entertainment that blur your perception of reality and put unfair expectations on your husband. Instead you must do your part in helping him feel strong, while also avoiding talk-show thinking that can lure your attention away from your family. .

Men-you are the head of your home. You are the one responsible to God for guarding the gate and standing your ground against anything that would threaten your wife or marriage. This is no small assignment. It requires a heart of courage and a head of preemptive action. Jesus said:"If the head of the house had known what time of night the thief was coming, he would have been on alert and would not have allowed his house to be broken into" . This role is yours. Take it seriously.

Love Dare Day 22

Love is a choice not a feeling. It is an initiated action, not a knee jerk reaction. Choose today to be committed to love even if your spouse has lost most of their interest in receiving it. Say to them today in words similar to these, "I love you. Period. I choose to love you even if you do not love me in return."



Feel free to post your thoughts/experiences on this dare



As Christians, love is the base of our whole identity. Our spiritual birth came about because . When asked to clarify what the greatest commandments of all were, Jesus answered, "You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart......and your neighbor as yourself ."

Our love for each other is the root and groun of our existence. It is the quality we are always supossed to be getting better at, and becoming increasingly defined by it.

So if love is what we were created to share, what do you do when your love is rejected? How do you handle it when the one whom you've pledged your life stops accepting the love you're called to give?


God is like this story. At times we have acted shamefully and rejected him, yet he still loves us and remains faithful. Even so, his love does not keep him from calling us to account for our mistreatment of him. We pay more price for our mistreatment of him than we often realize. Yet he still responds with grace and mercy. In him we have the model of what rejected love does, it stays faithful.

Jesus called us to this kind of love in the passage known as the Sermon on the Mount.

From your wedding day, you never dreamed the person you married might later be one to who you would need to love as an act of almost total sacrifice. And yet far too often, in marriage, the relationship does dwindle down to that level. Even to the point of betrayal, or sadly, to unfaithfulness. For many, this is the beginning of the end. Some respond rapidly by moving toward a tragic divorce. Others, more protective of their reputation than their happiness keep the charade going. But they have no intention of liking it, much less of loving each other again.

This is not the model of followers of Christ. It love is to be like his, it must love even when its overtures are returned unwanted. And for love to be like that, it must be his love to begin with.

You can give undeserved love to your spouse, because God gave undeserved love to you-repeatedly, enduringly. Love is often expressed the most, to those who deserve it the least.

Ask him to fill you with the love only he can provide, then purpose to give it to your mate in a way that reflects your gratefulness to God for loving you.

Love Dare Day 21

Be intentional today about making a time to pray and read your bible. Try reading a chapter out of proverbs each day (there are 31-a full month's supply), or reading a chapter in the gospels (Matthew, Mark, Luke and John). As you do immerse yourself in the love and promises God has for you. This will add to your growth as you walk with him.


Day 20 was an important day in the fare and in your life. You came face to face with the glaring need of every human heart. And perhaps for the first time, you became aware of how personal this need really is. You may have realized that nothing in your toolbox of talents and resources could repair the damage that sin leaves, and that Jesus is the only one who can supply what you have been missing. If you've received him in faith and have turned your life over to him to manage and lead, then his holy spirit is renewing your heart. His wisdom, grace, and power can now be released into everything you do, including your marriage.

Rather this is new to you or not, now is the time for you to firm up one thing in your mind: you need God every single day. This is not a part-time proposition. He alone can satisfy even when all else fails you.

Every day you place expectations on your spouse. Sometimes they meet them, sometimes they don't. But never will they be able to totally satisfy all the demands you ask of them-partly because some of your demands are unreasonable, partly because your mate is human.

Can your spouse give you inner peace? No. But God can. (Philippians 4:6-7). Can your spouse enable you to be content no matter what life throws at you? No. But God can. (Philippians 4:12-13).

There are needs in your life that only God can satisfy. Though your husband/wife is able to complete some of these requirements-at least now and then- only God is able to do it all. Your need for love. Your need for acceptance. Your need for joy. It is time to stop expecting somebody or something to keep you functioning and fulfilled on a non-stop basis. Only God can do that as you learn to depend on Him. But he wants to do it HIS way (Philippians 4:19).

Rather than plugging into things that are unstable and subject to change-your health, money, affections and best intentions of your mate-plug into God instead. He's the only one in your life that can never change. His promises, love and faithfulness will always remain. That is why you need to seek him everyday.

Love Dare Day 20

Dare to take God at his word. Dare to trust Jesus Christ for salvation. Dare to pray "Lord Jesus, I'm a sinner. But you have shown your love for me by dying to forgive my sins, and you have proven your power to save me from death by your resurrection. Lord, change my heart and save me by your grace."



Feel free to post your thoughts/experiences on this dare



The bible says we are sinful from birth, from the moment we arrive. . "All of us have become like one who is unclean, and all our righteous deeds are like a filthy garment"(Isaiah 64:6). We simply can not be good enough to live with a pure and holy God. However God send his only begotten son into the world so that we might live through him (I John 4:9). He bore out sins so that we might die in sin and live to righteousness (I peter 2:24). By his death he made invalid the very idea that you are unloved and devalued. If you ever feel that way, you're not looking a the cross. He proved his love for you there.

Love like this can not be fully understood. But God demonstrates his love towards us by allowing Christ to die for us. (Romans 5:7-8).

Nor can love like this be earned. "For by grace you have been saved through faith, and that not to yourselves, it is the gift of God; not as a result of works, so that no one may boast." (Ephesians 2:8-9).

But it must be received. "If you confess with your mouth.....and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved....." (Romans 10:9-10. )

And when you have received this new life and love as your own, you are free to love as your own, you are free to love in ways you've never been capable before.

Jesus Christ was willing to love you even though you did not deserve it, even when you did not love back. He was able to see all your flaws and imperfections and still choose to love you. His love made the greatest sacrifice to meet your greatest need. As a result, you are able to walk in the fullness of and blessing of His love. Now and forever.

This means you share this same love with your spouse. You can love even when you're not loved in return. You can see their flaws and imperfections and still choose to love. And though you cannot meet their needs the way God can, you can become his instrument to meet the needs of your spouse. As a result he/she can walk in the fullness and blessing of your love. Now and till death.

True love is found in Christ alone. And after you have received his gift of new life by accepting His death in your place and His forgiveness for your sins, you are finally ready to live the dare.

*** scriptures with this dare: Luke 19:10, 2 Corinthians 6:2, Acts 3:19, Psalm 51:5, Isaiah 64:6, 1 John 4:9, Philippians 2:6-8, 1 Peter 2:24, Romans 5:7-8, Romans 6:23, Ephesians 2:8-9, Romans 10:9-10, I John 3:16&23, 1 John 4:8

Taking a day off

In the begining of the day I didn't do so well due to caffiene withdrawls (my first day without coke in a LONG time) Rick was moody and we got that straightened out so I am taking a day off. I've been busy all day. More love dare tomorrow.

Love Dare Day 19 ~ The Truth and Reflection

I was actually thinking before I read today's dare that I might need to blog a reflection. Because I have to still remember why I do this and remember to not just do Day 19 on Day 19... I need to continue doing the practices I learned Day 1 through eternity... Not just for Rick either its for anyone and just generally how I am as a person.

Love Dare Day 1.

The first part of the dare is fairly simple. Although love is communicated in a number of ways, our words often reflect the condition of our heart. For the next day, resolve to demonstrate patience and to say nothing negative to your spouse at all. If the temptation aries choose not to say anything. It is better to hold your tongue than say something you will regret.

This is one I do work on a daily basis. I have about an 80% success rate. My problem its in my personality to speak my mind especially to ones I love.

Love Dare Day 2.

In addition to saying nothing negative to your spouse again today, do at least one unexpected act of kindness.

I would rather this one become more habitual. Not such a good sucess rate.

I did well on the day of the dare but I used to do alot more RAK for Rick than I do now. Especially when I don't feel good and I am frustrated I just feel more now than ever to just shut down.

Love Dare Day 3.

Whatever you put your time, energy, and money into will become more important to you. It's hard to care for something you are not investing in. Along with restraining from negative comments, buy your spouse something that says "I was thinking of you today."

I don't have the ability to do this as I wish. I am all about being thoughtful. I think I do it more indirectly than directly. I wonder if he notices?

Love Dare Day 4

Contact you spouse sometime during the business of the day. Have no agenda other than asking how he or she is doing and if there is anything you could do for them.

I help remind him through out the day of things he needs to remember, just a general I love you, Or something I found he should be interested in. Either by email, text message or phone call.

Love Dare Day 5

Ask you spouse to tell you three things that cause him to be uncomfortable or irritated with you. You must do so without attacking them or justifying your behavior. This is their perspective only.Feel free to post your thoughts/experiences on this dare

The reply this doesn't need much follow up other than to work on it

Love Dare Day 6

Choose today to react to tough circumstances in your marriage in loving ways instead of with irritation. Begin by making a list of of areas where you need to add margin to your schedule. Then list any wrong motivations that you need to release from your life.

I work on this daily as well with not perfect results but better results than previous to Love Dare.

Love Dare Day 7

For today's dare, get 2 sheets of paper. On the first one, spend a few minutes writing out positive your spouse. Then do the same with negative things on the second sheet. Place both sheets in a secret place for another day. There is a different purpose for each. At some point during the remainder of the day, pick a positive attribute from the first list and thank your spouse for having that characteristic.

I destroyed the paper but it still sticks in my mind and its not a happy sight for me.

Love Dare Day 8

Determine to become your spouse's biggest fan and to reject any thoughts of jealousy. To help you set your heart on your spouse and focus on their achievements, take yesterday's list of negative attributes and discreetly burn it. Then share with your spouse how glad you are about a success he recently enjoyed.

Honestly the truth is I am jealous of his loyality to the Army. It hurts me and at the same time I look forward to recieving that loyality myself.

Love Dare Day 9

Think of a specific way you'd like to greet your spouse today. Do it with a smile and enthusiasm. Then determine to change your greeting to reflect your love for them.

This is very important to me anyways. Loosing my first husband suddenly the last words we exchanged were very hateful. I am determined to not part with anyone else on those kind of terms. Those aren't terms I want to pay for when I get to the Gates. In order to arrive with a smile and part with a smile that means when you enter a room don't enter a room and spread negativity. When you leave a room make sure you leave the best part of you. This should be an everyday in every way occurance.

Love Dare Day 10

Do something out of the ordinary today for your spouse-Something that proves (to you and to them) that your love is based on your choice and nothing else. Wash his car, clean the kitchen, buy his favorite dessert, fold the laundry, demonstrate love to him for the sheer joy of being their partner in marriage

Every day in my marriage I think of how my husband would react to my actions and what effect my actions will have on my marriage. Whats good for the Goose IS good for the gander?

Love Dare Day 11

What need does your spouse have that you could meet today? Can you run an errand? Give a back rub or foot massage? Choose a gesture that says "I cherish you" and do it with a smile.

I am not your 1930's submissive housewife cleaning husband's feet but I do love to dote on my husband and every day we can at lunch time I do rub his head and lay down with him while he takes a quick nap. I know he needs physical affection its his LOVE LANGUAGE and its definately what he needs to survive.

Love Dare Day 12

Demonstrate love by willingly choosing to give in to an area of disagreement between you and your spouse. Tell them you are putting their preference first.

This one is a hard challenge for me like I said I speak my mind. Its hard for me to not correct him but at the same time I have backed off alot on the parental portion and let him handle some good and bad. I just step back.

Love Dare Day 13

Talk with your spouse about establishing healthy rules of engagement. If your mate is not ready for this, then write out your own personal rules to "fight" by. Resolve to abide by them when the next disagreement occurs.

We got a date night and we did discuss this at dinner. I didn't get a chance to blog about our wonderful night.

Love Dare Day 14

Purposefully neglect an activity you would normally do so you can spend quality time with your spouse. Do something he or she would love to do or a project they'd really like to work on. Just be together.

Rick and I are rarely apart if he isn't at work. There isn't much need for us to part doesn't the Army take enough time away from us? Didn't a year seperation for the deployment do enough? Why don't my friends agree? Instead they think we are together and too diabetically sweet to each other. What gives?

Love Dare Day 15

Choose a way to show honor and respect to your spouse that is above your normal routine.

To do this on a daily basis just should be second nature to any relationship.

Love Dare Day 16

Begin praying today for your spouse's heart. Pray for three specific areas where you desire for God to work in your spouse's life and in your marriage.

Love Dare Day 17

Determine to guard your mate's secrets (unless they are dangerous to them or to you) and to pray for them. Talk with your spouse, and resolve to demonstrate love in spite of these issues. Really listen to them when they share personal thoughts and struggles with you. Make them feel safe.

I don't think of betraying him.

Love Dare Day 18

Prepare a special dinner at home, just for the two of you. The dinner can be as nice as you prefer. Focus this time on getting to know your spouse better, perhaps in areas you've rarely talked about. Determine to make it an enjoyable evening for you and your mate

Love Dare Day 19

Look back over the dares from the previous days. Were there some that seemed impossible to you. Have you realized your need for God to change your heart and to give you the ability to love? Ask him to show you where you stand with him, and ask for the strength and grace to settle your eternal destination.

Feel free to post your thoughts/experiences on this dare
The Love Dare starts with a secret. You have likely grown more suspicious of it all the time. Now that you are this far, it is a secret you are discovering. The secret is: you can not manufacture unconditional love out of your own heart. It is something only God can do. Because of his great love for you -and his love for your spouse- He chooses to express his love through you.
Still you may not believe that. You may be convinced that with enough hard work, and commitment you can muster up long term, sacrificial love from your heart. You want to believe it's in you. But how many times has your love failed to keep you from lying, lusting, from overreacting, from thinking evil of the person you've vowed before God to love for the rest of your life? How many times has your love proven incapable of controlling your anger? How many times has your love motivated you to forgive or brought about a peaceable end to an ongoing argument?
Its this failure that exposes mankind's sinful condition. We've all fallen short of God's commands (Romans 3:22). We've all demonstrated selfishness, hatred, and pride. And unless something is done to cleanse us of these ungodly attributes, we will stand before God guilty as charged (Romans 6:23). That's why if you are not right with God, you can't truly love your spouse because HE is the source of that love.
When you surrender yourself to Christ, his power can work through you. Even at your very best, you are not able to live up to God's standards. But HE "is able to do far more abundantly beyond all that we ask or think, according to the power that works within us." (Ephesians 3:20). That is how you love your spouse.
You may be feeling for the first time that you, too, have broken God's commands, and that your guilt will keep you from knowing Him. But scripture says that if you repent by turning away from your sin and turning to God, He is willing to forgive you because of the sacrifice His son made on the cross. He is pursuing you, not to enslave you, but to free you so you can receive His love and forgiveness. Then you can share it with the one you've been called most specifically to love.
The truth is you can't live without him, and you can't love without him. But there is no telling what He could do in your marriage if you put your trust in him.
*Other scriptures this dare mentions that may help you understand it better: I John 4:7, John 15: 5 &7, Romans 3:23, Romans 6:23, Ephesians 3:19, Ephesians 3:20, Romans 5:5) *

Generous Spouse Tips

Thursday May 7, 2009 Look around for some little personal act of kindness to do for your husband, like clean his glasses, wipe the prints off his computer screen, or refill his pencil/pen cup. Remember there's no such thing as a small act of kindness. Every act creates a ripple with no logical end. Scott Adams
Think generous! Lori <><

The Mommy Brain
Filed under: Good Marraige — Tags: gender-diffs, hormones, knowing — The Generous Husband @ 1:01 am
It being almost mother’s day, I thought a few tips about mothers as wives would be good. My comments here are based on information found in The Female Brain by Louann Brizendine, M.D.. Dr. Brizendine is a neuropsychiatric who, as a student, saw a need to look at male and female brains differently, since they are fundamentally different. She has made the study of the female brain a major part of her professional life, and founded “The Women’s and Teen Girl’s Mood and Hormone Clinic” so what she has learned could be put to good use.
At a later date I will discuss some of the significant differences in male and female brains at birth, as well as changes that occur at puberty that move the two even further apart. Today’s topic is what Brizendine calls “The Mommy Brain”. Women are pre-wired to be more nurturing than men, but pregnancy causes changes far beyond this. Even before a woman knows she’s pregnant, hormones caused by pregnancy are changing how she thinks and feels. Priorities change, she become far more concerned about caring for her body, and she feels a growing need for safe and secure surroundings. Hormones make her slow down, eat more, and sleep more.
Even the brain is effected - and changed. Some parts of the brain get larger, others get smaller, as the brain is restructured. Science is a long way from understanding all of this, but the reality is pregnancy literally changes a woman’s brain.
Birth, nursing and general contact with the baby produce huge amounts of oxytocin, and this further changes a woman, making the needs of her child take precedent over her own needs - and the needs of others around her, including her husband. Mothers reassess almost everything, including their life goals and the baby’s father. A man’s brain is also impacted by birth of a baby (the “daddy brain”) but this change is not nearly as sweeping or significant.
The bottom line is this, if you married a woman who had never had children, when she became a mother she became a different person. Not completely different, but also not the same. This means you will need to reforge your relationship, making changes, accommodations, and sacrifices all around. What a husband needs to understand is that this change is not something his wife has done - rather it is a change that God ordained by the way He built us. A woman who becomes a mother can no more not change than a boy becoming man could choose to keep thinking like a boy.

Love Dare Day 18

Prepare a special dinner at home, just for the two of you. The dinner can be as nice as you prefer. Focus this time on getting to know your spouse better, perhaps in areas you've rarely talked about. Determine to make it an enjoyable evening for you and your mate.



Feel free to post your thoughts/experiences on this dare

How much do you know about your mate? Think back to the early days of dating. Didn't you study the one your heart was yearning for? When a man is trying to win the heart of a woman he studies her. He learns her likes, dislikes, habits and hobbies. This is also true to women who start out admiring and building respect for the man they desire to be with. But after marriage these feelings begin to fade. The mystery and challenges of knowing seem less intriguing, and they find their interests drifting.

Yet there are still hidden things to discover about your spouse. And this understanding will draw you closer together. It can even give you favor in the eyes of your mate. (Proverbs 13:15)

If the amount you studies your spouse before marriage were equal to a high school diploma, then you should continue to learn about your mate until you gain a college degree, a master's degree, and ultimately a PHD. Think of it as a lifelong journey that draws your heart even closer to your mate.

-Do you know their greatest hopes and dreams?

-Do you fully understand how they prefer to give and receive love?

-Do you know what your spouse's greatest fears are and why they struggle with them?

Some of the problems you may have with your spouse are simply because you don't understand them. The differences you have can be the cause of many fights and conflicts in your marriage. That is because the bible says we tend to 'revile' those we things we don't understand. (Jude 10).

There are reasons for his/her tastes and preferences. Each nuance in your spouse's character has a back story. Each element of who he is, how she thinks, and what they are like is couched in a set of guiding principles, which often makes sense only to the person who holds them. But its worth the time it will take to study who they are and why they are the way they are.

If you miss the level of intimacy you once shared with your spouse, one of the best ways to unlock their heart is by making a commitment to know them. Study them. Read them like a book you are trying to understand.

There is a depth of beauty and meaning inside your wife or husband that will amaze you as you discover it. Enter the mystery with expectation and enthusiasm. Desire to know this person even better than you do now. Make him or her your chosen field of study and you will fill your home with the kind of riches only love can provide.


The kids are both home tonight and Rick has class maybe tomorrow night.

Love Dare Day 17 The Truth

I know alot of things about Rick that I don't tell anyone. Alot of things he guards his children from knowing. Alot of things I know his deepest emotions and thoughts. I would hope so anyways. We were discussing my love dare journey in Therapy and the Therapist showed him Day 17 and he saw the word intimacy typical male assumed it meant sex lol. I was thinking i know I didn't read anything about sex and just told him intimacy doesn't ALWAYS mean sex...

Love Dare Day 17

Determine to guard your mate's secrets (unless they are dangerous to them or to you) and to pray for them. Talk with your spouse, and resolve to demonstrate love in spite of these issues. Really listen to them when they share personal thoughts and struggles with you. Make them feel safe.



Feel free to post your thoughts/experiences on this dare

You can be close friends will someone from childhood to college. You can be close to a sibling that is about the same age as you. But nothing rivals the closeness of a husband and wife. Marriage is the most intimate of all human relationships.

That is why we need it so much. Each of us comes into life with an inborn hunger to be known, loved, and accepted. We want people to recognize and value us. The prospect of sharing our home with another person who knows us down to the most intimate detail is part of the deep pleasure or marriage. Yet this comes with a danger. Someone who knows us this intimately can either love us at depths we never imagined, or can wound us in ways we may never fully recover. It is both the fire and fear of marriage.

If home is not considered a safe place, you will both be tempted to seek it somewhere else. Perhaps you might look to another person. You may look for comfort in work or in outside hobbies, something that partially shields you from intimacy but also keeps people around you who respect and accept you.

You mate should not feel pressured to be perfect in order to receive your approval. They should not walk on eggshells in the very place they ought to feel most comfortable. The atmosphere in your marriage should be one of freedom. Your closeness should only intensify your intimacy. Being 'naked' and not 'ashamed' should exist in the same sentence, right in your marriage, both physically and emotionally.

Some of your spouses secrets may need correcting. Therefore you can be an agent of healing and repaid-not by lecturing, not by criticizing, but by listening in love and offering support.

Some of these secrets just need to be accepted. They are a part of this person's make up and history. Although these issues may not be pleasant to deal with, they will always require a gentle touch.

In either case, you and you alone wield the power to reject you spouse because of this, or to welcome them in, warts and all. They will either know they are in a place of safety where they are free to make mistakes, or they will recoil into themselves and be lost to you, perhaps forever. Loving them well should be your life's work.

This may be an area you have failed in in the past. If so do not expect your mate to immediatly give you wide-open access to their heart. You must begin to rebuild trust.

The reality of intimacy always takes time to develop, especially after being compromised. But your commitment to re-establish it can happen today-for anyone willing to take the dare.

Mustang Marriage

How to keep your

marriage in mint condition

Understanding the owners manual

How to survive a wreck

Raising kids without

ruining the upholstery



We didn't get to go to Church service today. But I plan on catching up by Pod Cast which the church offers on their website. YAY. I even was listening to last weeks this morning laughing just as hard as I was. Please enjoy my notes and listen to the Pod Casts of Pastor Mark..

http://www.willowbrook.org/

http://sermonplayer.com/c/willowbrook/

Generous Spouse Tips

Drift
Filed under: Shared walk — Tags: thoughts — The Generous Husband @ 1:01 am
Have you ever become aware of “spiritual drift” in your life? I’m not taking about some major or easily discernible change in what you believe or do, but rather a very minor change; a change your friends could not see.

I think drift is a natural human thing - in all areas of our life. If we’re not deeply focused on, and actively pursuing, a fixed point, drift is common if not inevitable. Small amounts of drift are nothing, but if drift continues for too long, the end result can be some significant changes.

The best way I know to be aware of drift, especially before it becomes more than drift, is to regularly have deep conversations with your bride. It’s easier to see drift in someone else than in yourself.




Sunday May 3, 2009


Pray for the Lord to give you a greater understanding of your husband. Pray for insight into what he needs in the way of encouragement. Pray for understanding of his temperament, emotions, and overall dreams and desires.

A moment's insight is sometimes worth a life's experience. Oliver Wendell Holmes



Think generous! Lori <><

Love Dare Day 16

Begin praying today for your spouse's heart. Pray for three specific areas where you desire for God to work in your spouse's life and in your marriage.



Feel free to post your thoughts/experiences on this dare

You can not change your spouse! As much as you may want to, you can not play God and reach into their heart and mold them into what you want them to be. But that is what most couples spend most of their time trying to do-change their spouse.

Insanity has been described as doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. But that isn't that what happens when you try to change your mate? It's frustration at the highest level. At some point you have to accept it is not something you can do. But what you can do is become a wise farmer.

A farmer can not make a seed grow into a fruitful crop. He can not argue, manipulate, or demand it to bear fruit. But he can plant the seed in fertile soil, give it water and nutrients, protect it from weeds, and then turn it over to God. Millions of farmers have made a livelihood from this process. They know that not every seed sprouts. But most WILL grow when planted in proper soil and given what they need.

There is no gaurauntee that anything in this Dare will change your spouse. That is not what this is about. It's about daring you to love. If you take the Dare seriously, there is a high liklihood that you will be personally changed from the inside out. And if you carry on the dare, your spouse will likely be affected, and your marriage will begin to bloom in front of your eyes. It may take weeks or even years, but regardless of the soil you are working with, you are to plan for success. You are to get the weeds out of your marriage. You are to nurture the soil of your spouse's heart and then depend on God for the results.

You will not be able to do it yourself. You need something more powerful, and that is effective prayer. Do you feel like giving up on your marriage? Jesus said to pray instead of quitting (Luke 18:1). Are you stressed out and worried? Prayer can bring peace to your storms (Philippians 4:6-7). Prayer can make a difference! (Acts 12:1-17).

There are some key elements that need to be in order for prayer to be effective. But suffice to say that prayer works best when coming from a humble heart. Have you ever wondered why God gives you overwhelming insight into your spouses hidden faults? Do you really think it is for endless nagging? No, it's for effective kneeling. No one knows better how to pray for your mate than you.

Has your scolding and nagging been working? The answer is no because that is not what changes a heart. A husband will find that God can 'fix' his wife a lot better than he can. A wife will accomplish more through strategic prayer than from all of her persuasive efforts. It is a much more pleasant way to live.

If your spouse does not have a relationship with God, than it is clear what you need to start praying for. Beyond this pray for what your mate needs. Pray for his heart, her attitude. Pray for truth to replace lies, and that forgivnesss will replace bitterness. And then pray for your heart's desires-for love and honor to become the norm.

Generous Spouse

One size fits all? NOT!

Filed under: Sexuality — Tags: rant, sex4her, sexISgood — The Generous Husband @ 1:01 am
A spam message I’ve noticed a few times recently says “Arouse the Passion of Any Woman, Anytime, Anywhere.” I have no idea what they are selling, as I have no intention of clicking on the link. What bothers me (besides the fact that I get so much spam) if the idea that there is some magic pill or technique that will “turn on” any woman, no matter what.
I’m sure we all know it doesn’t work that way, but from my e-mail I know a lot of guys are looking for the fast easy to more and better sex. Bad news guys, there is no magic way to make your wife want a lot more sex starting right now. However, there are things you can do that will move things in that direction. The next few Saturdays I will be sharing ideas based on the book Sex on the Brain: 12 Lessons to Enhance Your Love Life by Daniel G. Amen M.D. . I like Dr. Amen for a number of reasons:
He is a true scientists - he follows the fact no matter where they take him.
He states that he thinks that “Sex is best in the context of a committed, loving relationship.” - A statesman he feels is the clear conclusion of science.
He has spent many years studying the brain and how it works.
He is not afraid to make the unPC claim that men and women are fundamentally different at the brain level. (Something that is undeniable scientifically, but is often skirted none-the-less.)
There won’t be a sure fire secret, but there will be some good information that may start to move things in the right direction.

Saturday May 2, 2009 Be open to trying something that your husband wants to try in the bedroom. I'm not suggesting that you do something that you believe is wrong or that is potentially harmful. I'm just suggesting that it is a kind thing to respond to your husband's wishes and desire for creativity in the bedroom. My lover spoke and said to me, "Arise, my darling, my beautiful one, and come with me." Song of Song 2:10 NIV

Love Dare Day 15

Choose a way to show honor and respect to your spouse that is above your normal routine. It may be holding the door for her. It might be putting his clothes away for him. It may be the way you listen and speak in your communication. Show your mate that he is highly esteemed in your eyes.

Feel free to post your thoughts/experiences on this dare
To honor someone means to give them respect and high esteem, to treat them as being special and of great worth. When you speak to them you keep your language clean and understandable. You are courteous and polite. When they speak to you you take them seriously, giving their words weight and significance. When they ask you to do something, you accommodate them, if at all possible, simply out of respect for who they are. The bible tells us to honor our father and mother, as well as those in authority. It is a call to acknowledge the position or values of someone else. Honor is a noble word.
This is especially true in marriage. Honoring your mate means giving him your full attention, not talking to them from behind a newspaper or with one eye on the television. When decisions are being made that affect both of you, or your whole family, you give your mate's voice and opinion equal influence in your mind. You honor what they have to say. They matter-and because of your treatment of them, they should know it.
Holy is another word that is not often equated with marriage, but is the basic for honor-it is the reason we give respect and high regard to our mates. The word is holy. To say your mate is holy to you does not mean that he or she is perfect. Holiness means they are set apart for a higher purpose-no longer common or everyday but special and unique. A person who is holy to you holds a place no one can rival in your heart. He or she is sacred to you, a person to be honored, praised and defended.
When 2 people marry each spouse becomes holy to each other by way of 'holy matrimony.' This means that no other person in the whole world is supposed to enjoy this level of commitment and endearment from you. Your relationship is like no other. You share physical intimacy with only them. You establish a home with this person. You bear your children with this person. Your heart, your possessions, your life itself is wrapped around the uncommon bond you share with this person.
Perhaps you wish some outsider could see the level of disrespect you get from your husband/wife-someone who would make your mate feel embaressed to be exposed for who they really are behind closed doors. But that is not the issue with true love. Love honors even when it is rejected. Love treats its beloved as special and sacred even when an ungrateful attitude is all you get in return.
When your attempts at honor are unreciprocated you are to give honor just the same. That's what love dares to do-to say "Of all the relationships I have, I will value ours the most. Of all the things I am willing to sacrifice, I will sacrifice the most for you." That is how you create an atmosphere for love to be rekindled. That is how you lead your heart to truly love your mate again. And that is the beauty of honor.

Love Dare Day 14 The Truth

Today's Dare is to purposely neglect something I would normally do to spend time with your spouse. I spent the whole day with Rick! I was off of the computer by 7:45 this morning and didn't get back on it (no matter the urge) till past 9 pm.
We went to Yard Sales, Thrift Stores, Drove around the mountain then went to our favorite mall :)

Oh yeah and then we actually went out to dinner without kids YAY

Love Dare Day 14

Purposefully neglect an activity you would normally do so you can spend quality time with your spouse. Do something he or she would love to do or a project they'd really like to work on. Just be together.

Sign this post when you complete this dare and more onto the next day :)

Feel free to post your thoughts/experiences on this dare

One of the most important things you should learn on your Dare is that you should not just follow your heart-you should leave it. You do not let your feelings and emotions do the driving, you put them in the back seat and tell them where they are going. Love that chooses to love is just as powerful as love that feels like loving. In many ways it is actually truer love because it has its eyes wide open.

Left to ourselves we'll always lean towards being disapproving of one another. She'll get on your nerves, he'll aggravate you. But our days are too short to be wasted bickering over petty things. Life is too fleeting for that.

Instead take time to lead your heart to once again delight in your mate. Enjoy your spouse. Desire his conversation, take her hand and seek her companionship. Remember why you fell in love with their personality. Accept this person-quirks and all-and welcome them back into your heart.

Again you choose what you treasure. It's not like you are born with certain pre-sets and preferences you're destined to operate from. If you're irritable, it's because you choose to be so. If you can not function without a clean house, it's because you have decided no other way will do. If you pick at your mate more than you praise them, it's because you've allowed your heart to be selfish. You've led yourself into criticism. Now is the time to lead your heart back out. It's time to learn to delight in your spouse again and watch your heart start enjoying who they are.

Today's dare may be directing you to a real and radical change of heart. For some, the move toward delight may be only a small step away. For others it may require a great leap from ongoing disgust.

But if you have delighted before-which you were when you got married- you can be delighted again. Even if it has been a long time. Even if a whole lot has happened to change your perceptions.


The responsibility is yours to relearn what you have love about this one to whom you've promised yourself forever.

Generous Spouse Tips

May 1, 2009
See her with your fingers
Filed under: Physical Touch — Tags: knowing, nonsexual — The Generous Husband @ 1:01 am
Close your eyes and study your bride’s body with your fingers. Feel the various textures and varying firmness of body parts. Feel her curves, and the creases where parts come together.

Start with her face, then move down her neck, and down one arm to the tips of her fingers. How much you explore the “fun bits” will depend on her general comfort level and how sexual she may or may not be feeling.

If she wants to return the favour, close your eyes, and really feel her fingers and hands on your body. Experience every touch, and try to imagine how it feels to her.





Friday May 1, 2009


Have a gathering in your home. It can be a birthday party, a group for study, or a movie or game night with friends. Just share the adventure with your husband of planning the get together and then welcoming others into your home.

... Practice hospitality. Romans 12:13b NIV



Think generous! Lori <><


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